Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The uberlube is also flammable
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
