I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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