you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
