btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
