VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Randomize
