I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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