I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What drink are we having for lunch?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
