I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
