In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
