there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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