Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
