I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
