Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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