Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
