Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
