i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
