you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
