Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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