Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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