Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
