Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
