He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we're making bets on your personal life
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
