it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
