Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
bring money and cleavage
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
