But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
