We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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