Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
