Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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