My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
