do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
