like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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