im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
