Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
