We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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