Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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