You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
