party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
