i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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