just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He shit in the fireplace
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
