You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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