More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
