I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
