We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
