why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize