is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so let's talk penis.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
