that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
