Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
