You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
