Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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