I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
