You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
