Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
