He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
