if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
