you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize