Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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