We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
