Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we made out on top of his cat.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
