it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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