I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
