I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
