a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize