i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize