Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
