I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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