Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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