Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize